Benefit of the doubt
"Absence of full evidence." Isn't that faith? Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen - Hebrews 11:1 (KJV).
One of the lessons last month (indeed, the previous 46 years) and remains today is that we each should give each other the "benefit of the doubt" whenever and wherever we can. Do you find that difficult? There are times when I do.
- While working with a team of German engineers at HP in the late 90s, we went through cultural training to help us understand the differences between the way the typical German professional works and communicates as opposed to the typical American professional. One key difference was along these lines. For example, to an American, receiving no news must mean bad news. In other words, if I haven't heard anything from the other part of our international team (5000 miles and an 8 hour time-difference away), then there must be a problem. On the other hand, in similar circumstances, my German counterpart would trust that if there was a problem, I would have told him. He gave me the benefit of the doubt.
- One time, a member of my team confessed she couldn't trust me after hearing from another source some impactful news she expected to hear from me. Regardless of the myriad of examples where I provided support for her in her role, she had assumed the worst instead of the best of me. She didn't give me the benefit of the doubt.
- Of course, I've done the same thing more often than I care to admit. And, instead of giving others the benefit of the doubt, asking more questions than making statements, I end up letting my assumptions of the intentional guilt of others ride roughshod over the truth found in innocent or well-intentioned mistakes. Sometimes, I fail to give others the benefit of the doubt.
- I'm reading a book right now called "Love and Respect". One predicative principle is that, between a husband and a wife, one should treat the other as one who would not intentionally do evil to the other. In other words, we typically don't wake up thinking of ways to cause the other harm. Could this be an equally important principle to follow within all relationships?
Ok. Let's assume that we want to approach relationships more positively and therefore want to give each other an abundance of this benefit - this flavor of grace. How do we do that?
- When in doubt, ask questions. "I feel excluded when I hear important news from others or from you at the last moment. Was that intentional?" Or, "What happened in that meeting? What are your thoughts?" Even better, "Help me understand." Those who've heard of Covey's "Habits" know the important principle, "Seek first to understand before seeking to be understood." Seeking to understand before the Assumption Train leaves the station helps alleviate doubt and is the first step toward offering the benefit of the doubt to another.
- Always attempt to speak, and even think, kindly of others. How many times in our minds have we danced around the fire of bitterness fueling the flames with empty (and often wrong) assumptions? This doesn't get easier as we get older because we are increasingly tempted to think too highly of our cognitive skills and assume we have everything (and everyone) figured out.
Beyond all of this, though, is the most hideous and pernicious of all bad assumptions. It is when we don't give God the "benefit of the doubt." It is when we assume He's asleep at the switch or, worse, the actual cause of our malady. God is sovereign, to be sure. But the Bible says that God is never, ever, the source of evil. Nor does He ever tempt you or me. And, while sin is in this world we can expect that trouble will come. However, when it does come, let us look to God for comfort and wisdom - not blame. And, with His help, we may just look at each other and, by trusting God, expect the best intentions as we give them the benefit of the doubt.
So, in the same way, I'm encouraged to go ask Him for the answers and wait at His Word. The LORD has promised us that He will keep in perfect peace the one whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in God). As we wrestle with that which we do not understand, let's seek God's peace and give others the benefit of the doubt until further information is revealed.
What do you think?
Comments